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widaad said
lol C mwa ki ena la prioriT pu write da 1st joke mo kroir!??!:)(apres tou C mo liD nespa roushdat??;) )[btw thx 4 accepting my suggestion
]
ok hope u njoy dis vry 1st 1
Microsoft version creole!
Kouma zot koner, l’ile maurice p rode vine 1 tigre dan bane zafaire
computer. Pou promouvoir informatik dan pays en entier, PM in dimane bane
informaticiens maurice tradire Windows XP en creole. Koumsa zot tou pou
compran pli bien. Ala 1-2 examples de zot travail…
Windows XP = Lafnet XP
Save = Sape moi
Help = Au sécour
Find = Roder
Bad Command = Al aprane ekrir
Run = Bourer
Paste = Peintirer
Print Preview= Chek print so life avan
Home = Lakaz
Tools = Zoutils
Mouse = Lerat
Mouse Driver = Sofere Lerat
Mouse Pad = Tapis Lerat
Click = GijiGiji
Windows cannot display this page = lafnet p ran gaz
Exit = Rass la vie-
hehe post more soon
roushdat said
Yeah right widaad…Talking windows, I just can’t hold myself from telling you guyz that…while we’re still joking about a creol-version of windows, A CREOL VERSION OF LINUX was already avaliable some years ago i think :p
widaad said
hey got another 1…
computer joke how to recognise an online addict
Signs You Are “Webbed Out” From Using The Web:
Your opening line is, “So what’s your home page address?
Your best friend is someone you’ve never met.
You see a beautiful sunset and you expect to see “Enhanced for Firefox10.0″ on the clouds.
You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a Web page with no links.
you check your mail First thing in the morning(even b4 getting breakfast)
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening toward a flimsy guard rail that separates you from the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death. You frantically search for the “Back” button.
You visit “The Really Big Button that doesn’t do Anything” again and again and again.
Your dog has his own Web page. So does your goldfish.
When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.com
You turn off your pc and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You start introducing yourself as “Jon at I-I Net dot com”
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t use instant messaging.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :^)
You turn on your computer, and turn off your spouse/girlfriend.
Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage…so you buy another computer, and install a second phone line/or LAN cable so that the two of you can chat.
No more “what’s your phone num”? But “what’s your mail add? I can add you on my messenger…”
If you are being asked for info. Your response would be: “I don’t know, just Google it you’ll know …” :p
INTERNET ADDICTION TEST:
take da test n share ur score >>>http://www.netaddiction.com/resource…ction_test.htm
widaad said
Never Argue with a Child
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
“Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
“Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
__________________________________________________ __
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or That’s Michael. He’s a doctor.’
” A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher. She’s dead.”
__________________________________________________ __
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
__________________________________________________ ___
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Never underestimate kids..they are super smart.
widaad said
How you know you’re Mauritian.
How you know you’re Mauritian.
Your parents think you’re doing you’re homework…. But you’re on msn.
You have ‘Mauritius’ T-shirts with sunsets and dolphins and a
stash of Ralph Lauren shirts from that factory everyone goes to.
There’s a karom board lodged in a corner of your house somewhere.
The only time you play karom is in Mauritius…It hurt your fingers/nails.
You have an uncle who’s like, a karom champion.
You got uncles and cousins back home who are badminton champions.
Your favourite food is Rougaille but you tell all your white friends ‘Spaghetti Bolognese’
You have sega music on your computer.
Your parents secretly know how to dance sega-… so do you…. Well its not hard now is it? alalilaaaaa
You have bare fresh cousins flocking into England saying they
come to study but end up dossing and partying more than you.
What is with the brides’ make-up at weddings? TALK ABOUT DULUX
BRILLIANT WHITE PAINT.
-you’ve tried ‘Fair and Lovely’ cream at some point and so has
all your cousins but it dried out your skin/gave you a rash, so you thought…..hmmm no.
-…you haven’t told anyone you tried ‘Fair and Lovely’.
-The biryani at your uncles wedding was done by a guy called ‘chi bhai’
-The biryani at all British Mauritian weddings you’ve been to was overcooked with more elaichee and kanel than rice.
-Every family occasion consists of biryani…followed by lamousse.
You don’t really like lamousse yet get forced to eat the filling
dessert after being stuffed with biryani.
-Biryani and lamousse always taste better in Mauritius.
-Your parents already start buying stuff to bring for family in
Mauritius a year before they actually go.
-Mauritius family never bring anything truly decent when they come to England.
- Apart from… fris cristalise, piment confi, those twiggy crisps,
vanilla tea, zasaar, aaaaaaaaand of course BOXES OF KRAFT CHEDDAR.
- Kraft cheddar is the only cheese you eat and there’s always a
stash of boxes that never seem to finish somewhere in the fridge or a cupboard.
-You get really excited when you hear about a Mauritian party
somewhere because it gives you warm sense of identity on the
inside but yet go to check our the opposite sex and hope they’re not your cousin.
-Most Mauritians are related to you in some way or other that only your dad can figure out.
-Your mum/dad call Mauritius using cheap phonecards at like 6 in the morning so that ‘la lin la clear’
…They still spend half an hour trying to figure out who they’re talking to
- You’re family from Mauritius never seem to call England though.
-You’re parents drink tea almost every hour and you’ve been taught to make it since you was like 2 years old
- Tea in Mauritius always tastes better
-(Muslims-) How excited did you get when eating the halal KFC
and Pizza Hut and McDonalds when back home??
There’s never a weekend where ‘kompanye’ don’t randomly turn up.
-Your dad and uncles and all your family back in Mauritius either support Liverpool or Man United….yet if you’re a girl, you support Arsenal…
…only because of Freddie Ljungberg and Thierry Henry
-There’s valeez on top of your wardrobe.
-There’s ribbons on the handles because that’s the only way your
mum believes she will recognise them, but they so tatty you can spot the suitcases a mile off anyways.
- Your whole generation comes to see you in the week before you go to Mauritius…. But only because they want you to take parcels back home for them “to capaav amen en parcel pour mo MAMA!!”
-Your luggage is like a tonne overweight but yet your parents argue with check-in people.
- Your dad then tries to find someone Mauritian working at the airport that he supposedly knows.
-You’re one of the only Mauritian people on the plane…and have more hand luggage than everyone else put-together.
-That’s because you’re taking so many random gift requests when going there and bringing back so much zasaar and piment confi that leaks when returning.
-The whole of Mauritius comes to pick you up from the Mahebourg airport upon arrival
-The first things uncles and aunties in Mauritius say when they see you is “gette coumant lin vin graaand” and “qui class to pe faire?”
-Mosquitoes suck the living daylights out of your sweet English blood.
-The whole of Mauritius comes to drop you off at the airport when you’re returning to England….and you always go 6 hours before the plane departs then just doss around the airport after checking-in…and still manage to be late boarding the plane.
- The plane you take from Mauritius always leaves at night…
…Either Air Mauritius or British Airways…economy class of course…tickets from a Mauritian travel agent in London…Goldwing or Imbel…so that their cheaper…yeah right.
- Your parents are always shocked by how quickly Mauritius ‘pe devlopeh’ yet you still think its look exactly the same since the last time you went…. The year before.
- All the Mauritius uncles are always going to Singapore and Malaysia for bizness
-Mauritius family think your richer than the queen just because to anglais’.
- You normally slag off Britain but when they call you ‘anglais pochis’ in Mauritius you get very defensive and patriotic.
- Your mum gets excited when she sees part of a Bollywood film shot in Mauritius and thinks she can see your uncles house.
- You know the words to the big Bollywood tunes without having a clue what they mean.
-You will only be found watching Indian films with subtitles.
- You just can’t get enough of good old Mauritian Dhal Pourri.
- Your parents think Thermogene (vapour rub) is the cure for everything.
- Whenever you’re ill, random aunties give some next style remedies “buoille en peu cresson lerla to kraaz zaizam avec to boir li sek”
- How many vieux pairs of sulyeh and savat are in the cupboard under the stairs?
- You love to eavesdrop if you can hear people speaking Creole in a public place…and you feel like your part of some secret society because you can understand what they’re saying.
-You have that random filthy rich uncle somewhere in the suburbs who has 10 cars and a 10 bedroom house and the only family occasion they would turn up to is a rare wedding.
-You have either live or have family in Croydon, Tooting,Walthamstow, Wood Green, Tottenham, Edmonton, Leyton, Finsbury Park…
Dedicated to mrutians studying in the UK:)
widaad said
Typing mistakes can be serious
1 . A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams,which the father received as “Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”
2. A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife “I wish you were here.” The message received by the wife was “I wish you were her.”
3. A man wanted to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said, “put getting older but you are getting better”. The salesman asked “how do you want me to put it?” The man said ‘ Well…put “You are
getting older” at the top and “but you are getting better” at the bottom. When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.
It read : “You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom”
Moral of the Story:
1. Double proof read everything before you send.
2. Don’t trust others to write it right for you.
widaad said
Cool tongue twister… see if you can take up the challenge !!!!
Make sure you get every single word right!
An Open Challenge
Read the following passage and then scroll down for
further instructions at the end. Read LOUDLY to yourself now read:-
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is fool cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word in EACH line then you will understand what I mean!!!!!!!!:)
widaad said
Hi All!!hey hope U lyk dat 1 Roush;)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 and Golf 7.5
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please HELP!!
Thanks,
A Troubled User
———- REPLY ———
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings – Alimony / Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I also suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C: APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and especially Diamonds 5.0
WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
widaad said
wanna share dis 1 too…
SOFTWARE HUSBAND
hubby was a s/w programmer and he replied all his wife’s question on programmatic responses
Husband : ( Returning late form work ) “Good evening Dear, I’m now logged in.”
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morn…
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found …
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied …
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!…
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use…
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot
lol no offence made to s/w prger:P
bbZuSh said
Whoa… Ena ein p pu lir la :s
computer salesman, a hardware engineer, and a software engineer are driving in a car together. Suddenly the right rear tire blows out, and the car rolls to a stop. Our three heroes pile out to investigate.
The salesman announces sadly, “Time to buy a new car!”
Says the hardware engineer, “Well, first let’s try swapping the front and rear tires, and see if that fixes it.”
Replies the software engineer, “Now, let’s just try driving the car again, and maybe the problem will go away by itself.”
bbZuSh said
…about the doctor, engineer, and programmer who were debating what the world’s oldest profession was. The doctor said that medicine was the oldest because the Lord performed surgery in the removal of Adam’s rib. The engineer countered that before that act, the Lord had performed feats of engineering by creating the earth and heavens from nothing.
The doctor conceded that the engineer was right and that engineering was indeed the oldest profession. But then the programmer interjected that programming was even older. He was chided by both the doctor and the engineer saying that engineering had to be the oldest, because before the Lord engineered the earth and heavens, there was nothing, only the Great Void, only Chaos!
The programmer simply smiled and said: “Where do you think the Chaos came from?”
Jokes by City » Jokes My quest for world presidency said
[...] To find more information from the source here [...]
Shan said
First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’
Shan said
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up. The
husband said, ‘Who was that?’ The wife said, ‘I don’t know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’
Noush said
VERY BAD IN GRAMMAR
Mum : “The accuracy of a computer is beyond our imagination”.
Daughter : “Yes mum! But computers are very bad in grammar”.
Mum : “Why?”.
Daughter : “Because every time I shut it down, my computer gives the message : Windows ‘is’ shutting down!”
Noush said
COME HERE AGAIN AND AGAIN
Judge : “Don’t you feel ashamed that you come here again and again?”
Thief : “Then you are the one who should be more ashamed”.
Judge : “How so?”
Thief : “Your honor, “I come here twice a month, but you come here every day”.
Noush said
STILL NOT RECEIVED THE LETTER
Mary : “Madam, didn’t you ask me to write a letter to my friend in the English
Exam Paper?”
Teacher : “Yes, what is the problem?”
Mary : “It has been a month, but my friend has still not received the letter”.
Noush said
IN ONE DAY!
Teacher : “If one man builds a hut in 12 days, 12 men can build it in one day”.
Student : “Then, teacher, if one ship can cross the ocean in 8 days, can 8 ships cross the ocean in one day?”